My grandma

Pictures at the right show Ryan playing with his Tok Wan (my Abah) at Tok Teh's house.

At 5.10 am this morning, 24 Syaaban 1431, I woke up to a noise downstairs. Upon descending the stairs groggily, I saw all my four daughters watching the telly, all dressed in their school uniforms. "Mommy, tak payah buat breakfast, kita orang semua dah sahur," Dayana happily announced.

"Hah? biar betul..," I thought.

Nonetheless, I went up and resume sleeping. My alarm clock was set to go off at 5:30. Sayang the 20 minutes more.

I tried to make my 7-yr old Izzah to bring her water bottle and bekal, but she adamantly refused. She wanted to fast just like the sisters. Ramadhan is still a week away, I told her. This is sunat, it is OK to eat if you get too hungry at school, I pleaded. But she shaked her head. She even refused to take the pocket money from Daddy.

As always, Daddy sent the three girls to SK Kg Pasir Puteh and I sent Sarah to SMK Seri Ampang.

When I came home, Daddy was already standing at the doorway, with a phone in his hand. I was still at the driver's seat when Daddy approached and broke the saddest news I have ever received in my entire life. My 97-year old grandmother passed away at 7 am this morning. I tried to contain my emotions but failed miserably. I felt guilty for not visiting her last weekend during my cousin's akad nikah. I missed her terribly, the way I've never missed anybody in my life.

Daddy talked to me the way he would talk to a small lost child, calming me down and asking me if I want breakfast. Since I was still too shaky to drive, Daddy took the wheels and drove to SMK Seri Ampang to fetch Sarah. I went up to my room, gave Ryan a quick bath, and got properly dressed. Sarah came home, changed her outfit, selected proper outfits for her 3 younger sisters and out we went to SK Kg Pasir Puteh to fetch Iman, Dayana and I'zzah.

Then we made a stop at their pengasuh's house so that the three girls could change their outfits. That's where I learned the reason my daughters were fasting today. My trusted friend Kak Sofi, who offers her home to my daughters every day as a transit point, told me that my daughters were fasting because they wanted to give dua' as birthday presents for Daddy. Since Allah especially accepts dua' from His fasting servants, they made a pact to fast together and dua' together during Maghrib. I didn't know what to say. She complimented me for raising such lovable kids. I said thank you, even though I know I didn't deserve the compliments. I kept remembering how during my childhood, the villagers would come to my grandma's house, especially on Thursday evenings and Friday mornings, asking my grandma to dua' for them. Many would bring bottled water to have my grandma dua' on the water.

My grandma Tok Teh is the last of my four grandparents who passed on. Both my grandfathers died before I started school, in'75 and '76. Alhamdulillah my paternal grandmother got to know Daddy and my 2 eldest children before she passed away 12 years ago. Tok Teh was my maternal grandmother. I was especially close to Tok Teh, probably because in many ways physically I kind of resembled her. Instead of calling me Espalele' (that's how my name is pronounced in Banjar dialect), she called me Teh. I was the only Tok Teh's Teh. And she approved of Daddy tremendously.

I might never be as alim, wara', strong, dedicated, patient, loving, and lovable as my Tok Teh, but I will try to, until my last breath on earth.

We miss you Tok Teh.